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: "The school can't afford helmets for everybody..."

: "Thatta boy Spark! Go get her.... ahwwww crap."

: "Elementary school alumni?"

: "Hey, wait a minute, why the hell does he get an A Minus?"

: "We treat star athletes better because they're better people."

: "I'm sssuper, thankss for asssking."

: "Boom! No more Middle Park players, hahaha!"

: "I don't want a gay dog. I want a butch dog. I want a Rin-Tin-Tin."

: "John Stamos's brother can do it."

: "Oh! My carrot cake!"

: "Do you like to dance?"

: "Good boy. Now... don't be gay! Don't be gay, Spark."

: "...evil right down to their cold black hearts, which not pump blood like yours and mine..."

: "Tell them that there are gay animals here that need homes.... desssperately."

: "That is the gayest dog I have ever seen."

: "Over here we have a gay lion..."

: "That's right! You get back there!"

: "I just act that way to get chicks, dumbass."

: "Now you go outside and practice football like a good little heterosexual."

: "Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut ..."

: "You've got to hold your football like your lover..."

: "That dog is a gay homosexual."

: "I haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant..."

: "Jesus, I haven't asked you for much..."

: "...I am the way for you, my children. Let's open the phone lines back up for some questions."

: "Why the hell is that little Jewish kid playing quarterback?"

: "I haven't seen a Jew run like that since..."

: "No, I didn't. That was just my shoes!"

: "Yes, he's been decapitated!"

: "Did you guys see me block that defense today? I was kicking ass!"

: "Maybe he went shopping for some leather pants."

: "I love that song..."

: "Its obvious where all the talent in that family went!"

: "Did you check the shopping mall... - OW!"

: "Marty's Movie Reviews are on? Kick ass!"

: "We can work on not making you gay together!"

: "I haven't seen so many children molested since..."

: "And maybe we can beat them by more next year... and its ok to be gay."

: "No pink bandana, Sparky. Bad dog!"

: "Chrisitans and Republicans and Nazis, oh my!"

: "Speaking of pounding ass, here comes Stan's little homo dog!"

: "Oh stop filling his head with that queer loving propoganda."

: "Stupid puppet."

: "Stan forgot to mention that his dog is a gay homosexual."

: "I just wanted to thank you for the advice, and for dying for my sins, that was really nice of you."

: "I haven't seen a beating like that since Rodney King..."

: "We're all big gay friends here. Would you like to live with us?"

: "Of course they are sillybuns!"

: "...so you see, Simon and Simon were not brothers in real life, only on television."

: "... the assignment was on Asian Cultures. You get a D Minus."

: "Loving you is easy because you're beautiful... du di doo doo!"

: "We're not sad anymore because we're out the closet door!"

: "No way, dude. My mom says god hates gay people. Thats why he... smoked the sodomies in France."

: "He doing something to his ass. He's not kicking it, but he's definitely doing somethinng to his ass."

: "My son, alot of people have wondered what my stance on homosexuality is..."

: "He still looks pretty gay to me."

: "I'm sssuper. Thankss for assking!"

: "I'm sssuper. Thankss for assking! (Different from above)"

: "Are you sure Stan is that good?"

: "What the hell is he talking about?"

: "You need to lay off the cough syrup. Alright? Seriously, I'm worried about you man."